Sabtu, 18 Juni 2011
Selasa, 14 Juni 2011
Crazy LoVe
There once a girl named Shelby. Shelby had a boy that like her and his name was John. John loved Shelby but she did not like him at all. She thought he was crazy (he is very crazy) but he said he was crazy because he was crazy in love.
So one day John asked Shelby out and so she said yes. When she said YES she know she said the crazies thing. So she went out with he for 1 or 2 hours. She said that she had the crazies day in the of week. I don't feel sorrry for her because she is one crazy girl.
Love you Shelby but you are crazy.
So one day John asked Shelby out and so she said yes. When she said YES she know she said the crazies thing. So she went out with he for 1 or 2 hours. She said that she had the crazies day in the of week. I don't feel sorrry for her because she is one crazy girl.
Love you Shelby but you are crazy.
Senin, 13 Juni 2011
Send letter to God
A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read: "Dear God, I am a 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check."
"Next Sunday is Mother's Day, and I had invited my last two friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with." "I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. Mother's Day came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?" "Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. " "By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieving bastards at the post office!!!!!!
Blonde
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions.
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
Minggu, 12 Juni 2011
Questions
A SIMPLE QUESTION
Once there was a monk who was an expert on the Diamond Sutra, and as books were very valuable in his day, he carried the only copy in his part of the world on his back. He was widely sought after for his readings and insight into the Diamond Sutra, and very successful at propounding its profundities to not only monks and masters but to the lay people as well. Thus the people of that region came to know of the Diamond Sutra, and as the monk was traveling on a mountain road, he came upon an old woman selling tea and cakes.
The hungry monk would have loved to refresh himself, but alas, he had no money. He told the old woman, "I have upon my back a treasure beyond knowing -- the Diamond Sutra. If you will give me some tea and cakes, I will tell you of this great treasure of knowledge."
The old woman knew something of the Diamond Sutra herself, and proposed her own bargain. She said, "Oh learned monk, if you will answer a simple question, I will give you tea and cakes." To this the monk readily agreed. The woman then said, "When you eat these cakes, are you eating with the mind of the past, the mind of the present or the mind of the future?"
No answer occurred to the monk, so he took the pack from his back and got out the text of the Diamond Sutra, hoping he could find the
answer. As he studied and pondered, the day grew late and the old woman packed up her things to go home for the day.
"You are a foolish monk indeed," said the old woman as she left the hungry monk in his quandary. "You eat the tea and cakes with your mouth."
Once there was a monk who was an expert on the Diamond Sutra, and as books were very valuable in his day, he carried the only copy in his part of the world on his back. He was widely sought after for his readings and insight into the Diamond Sutra, and very successful at propounding its profundities to not only monks and masters but to the lay people as well. Thus the people of that region came to know of the Diamond Sutra, and as the monk was traveling on a mountain road, he came upon an old woman selling tea and cakes.
The hungry monk would have loved to refresh himself, but alas, he had no money. He told the old woman, "I have upon my back a treasure beyond knowing -- the Diamond Sutra. If you will give me some tea and cakes, I will tell you of this great treasure of knowledge."
The old woman knew something of the Diamond Sutra herself, and proposed her own bargain. She said, "Oh learned monk, if you will answer a simple question, I will give you tea and cakes." To this the monk readily agreed. The woman then said, "When you eat these cakes, are you eating with the mind of the past, the mind of the present or the mind of the future?"
No answer occurred to the monk, so he took the pack from his back and got out the text of the Diamond Sutra, hoping he could find the
answer. As he studied and pondered, the day grew late and the old woman packed up her things to go home for the day.
"You are a foolish monk indeed," said the old woman as she left the hungry monk in his quandary. "You eat the tea and cakes with your mouth."
Kolam Perubah
Di suatu desa terdapat sebuah kolam Ajaib, konon katanya barang siapa yang mempunyai keinginan pasti akn terkabulnya dengan mandi di kolam tersebut, Suatu pagi seorang wanita penasaran akan keajaiban itu, dia bertanya kepada seorang pemegang adat, dan akhirnya dia meyakini akan keajaiban itu, tanpa bersabar dia bergegas berlari menuju kolam tersebut, dia berlari sangat kencang dan tersandung batu " Anjing " terceburlah dia dengan kata ucapannya dan berubahlah dia..
Jumat, 10 Juni 2011
Bapak loe Copet
Suatu pagi Aldi bercerita kepada Doni, dia menceritakan tentang kemarin copet yang tertangkap di Terminal,:
Aldi : Kemari sepulang sekolah aku lihat copet dihajar massa,aku juga ikutan mukulin Don..kasihan banget tu copet mukanya sampai
gak bentuk muka manusia lagi Don...
Doni : Emang jadi gima mukanya Di, Ancur banget pasti tu copet.
Emang gimana ciri-ciri muka copetnya Di,
Aldi : Dia punya tahi lalat 4 di hidungnya dan 1 tembong karena hajaran massa
Pake baju biru, celana hitam pendek.
Doni : Owh,,,
Aldi : tapi bukan bapak loe kan Don..
Doni : Sembarangan mulut anus loe,,,bapak gue bukan copet
Tapi hampir mirip sich ama ciri-ciri bapak gue, bapak gue juga pake bju kayak gitu kemarin.
Keesokan harinya :
Doni : Sialan loe Di..kmren bapak gue loe ancurin mukanya...
Aldi : Wkkwkwkwkwkw..hanya tertawa
Aldi : Kemari sepulang sekolah aku lihat copet dihajar massa,aku juga ikutan mukulin Don..kasihan banget tu copet mukanya sampai
gak bentuk muka manusia lagi Don...
Doni : Emang jadi gima mukanya Di, Ancur banget pasti tu copet.
Emang gimana ciri-ciri muka copetnya Di,
Aldi : Dia punya tahi lalat 4 di hidungnya dan 1 tembong karena hajaran massa
Pake baju biru, celana hitam pendek.
Doni : Owh,,,
Aldi : tapi bukan bapak loe kan Don..
Doni : Sembarangan mulut anus loe,,,bapak gue bukan copet
Tapi hampir mirip sich ama ciri-ciri bapak gue, bapak gue juga pake bju kayak gitu kemarin.
Keesokan harinya :
Doni : Sialan loe Di..kmren bapak gue loe ancurin mukanya...
Aldi : Wkkwkwkwkwkw..hanya tertawa
Bapak Benjut
Suatu sore Andi biasa bermain dengan teman-temannya, Andi suka bermain sepeda-sepedaan mengelilingi desa, saat dia berkeliling dengan teman-teman dia terjatuh dari sepedanya, Andi menangis dengan keras, teman-temannya pun mengantarkannya dia pulang menemui ibunya, saat di perjalanan dia selalu berteriak " Bapak Benjut"..."Bapak Benjut" Bu , "Bapak Benjut"!! sampailah dia dirumah dan selalu mengucapkan kata itu. Ibu Andi pun marah sekali dengan kelakuan Pak Benjut. Pak Benjut adalah seorang tetangga di dekat rumah Andi, Ibu Andi langsung melabrak rumah Pak Benjut, langsung ditamparnya, ditendangnya, dipukulnya Pak Benjut oleh Ibu Andi, lalu Pak Benjut bertanya:
Pak Benjut : Ada apa, Bu..? Kok saya dipukuli.
Bapak Benjut kata aslinya adalah Babak Benjut, dalam bahasa Jawa, dalam Bahasa Indonesia berarti
" luka-luka "
Ibu Andi : Bapak.telah mencelakakan anak saya, lihat dia kesakitan di rumah, Andi menangis
sambil memenggil nama bapak..." Bapak Benjut" ..." Bapak Benjut"...berarti bapak kan
yang mencelakakan anak saya.
Pak Benjut : Bukan.., Bu..saya dari tadi dirumah dan Andi tidak main kerumah saya, beneran, Bu..
Ibu Andi : Terus siapa yang mencelakakan anak saya.
( datanglah teman andi, dan menjelaskan kronologis kejadiaannya, bahwa Andi terjatuh
dari sepeda bukan karena dianiyaya Pak Benjut )
Pak Benjut : Dengar kan ...Bu Andi bukan saya yang mencelakakn anak ibu, lihat muka saya Bu,
jadi Benjut-benjut gini, bakaln jadi Pak Benjut selamanya ni.
Pak Benjut : Ada apa, Bu..? Kok saya dipukuli.
Bapak Benjut kata aslinya adalah Babak Benjut, dalam bahasa Jawa, dalam Bahasa Indonesia berarti
" luka-luka "
Ibu Andi : Bapak.telah mencelakakan anak saya, lihat dia kesakitan di rumah, Andi menangis
sambil memenggil nama bapak..." Bapak Benjut" ..." Bapak Benjut"...berarti bapak kan
yang mencelakakan anak saya.
Pak Benjut : Bukan.., Bu..saya dari tadi dirumah dan Andi tidak main kerumah saya, beneran, Bu..
Ibu Andi : Terus siapa yang mencelakakan anak saya.
( datanglah teman andi, dan menjelaskan kronologis kejadiaannya, bahwa Andi terjatuh
dari sepeda bukan karena dianiyaya Pak Benjut )
Pak Benjut : Dengar kan ...Bu Andi bukan saya yang mencelakakn anak ibu, lihat muka saya Bu,
jadi Benjut-benjut gini, bakaln jadi Pak Benjut selamanya ni.
Sundul Pantat
Hari jumat adalah hari wajib buat seorang laki-laki muslim untuk menjalankan ibadah sholat jumat, suatu hari Udin mengikuti sholat jumat di masjid tetangga desa, bersiaplah dia dan mulai berangkat. Sampailah dia di masjid itu, terlihat sangat ramai akan jamaah, dia bingung namun muadzin sebentar lagi mengumandangkan khomat, mau tak mau dia harus berdesakan dengan para jamaah lain, di karenakan Udin tinggi badannya saat sujud dia tak senagja menyundul jaamah di depannya sehingga tersungkurlah jamaah itu, Udin pun cuma pura tak tahu, dan menahan tertawa.
Royalti
Alkisah ada sebuah penulis yang sukses dan mendapatkan royalti dari hasil menulisnya. Dia bernama Dany dan adiknya bernama Toro. Saat makan malam Dany memberi tahu kepada adiknya kalau royalti yang dia dapat dari menulis, dia atas namakan kepada Adiknya, tujuannya agar bisa membiayai masa depannya kelak, setelah selesai makan malam Toro pun pergi ke kamar dan sebeleum ke kamar, dia berkata :
Toro : Kak.. "uang aku habis ni"
Dany : Terus..
Toro : "Jadi kapan ni kakak Dany matinya"
Dany : Dasar adik tak tahu di untung..
Toro : Kak.. "uang aku habis ni"
Dany : Terus..
Toro : "Jadi kapan ni kakak Dany matinya"
Dany : Dasar adik tak tahu di untung..
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